Bulan

You are what you eat,

Or so they say. But I genuinely don’t think it is merely about what you eat. It is a lot more than that. It is what you digest, what you receive, what you perceive, what you consume. Lately, I’ve felt more out of touch, not to anything, but to myself, and that’s quite a bold statement to make, borderline controversial, but it is somewhat true.

Past 5 Years

From the year 2021-2026, I have gained accumulatively around 35 kilograms. That’s probably one of the most weights I’ve ever gained within those time periods. I don’t want to say that I’m embarassed or ashamed of my body, but I do feel like a slight disappointment to myself, for not taking care of my own body, for letting me be this unhealthy without doing anything.

Other than that, these past 5 years, I’ve noticed a lot of changes. The current Bulan rarely plays instrument or touch her painting tools. The 5 years ago Bulan would write poetries, hum songs, improvise on the piano, and be generally creative.

It is a common question to ask during an interview “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”, and if you asked me 5 years ago, I wouldn’t answer that I’d be where I am. I’d probably say that I’d earn x amount of Rupiah every month, being a mega influencer, have songs on every radio, be on TV, sing with her heroes, et cetera.